Disordered thinking.

Disordered thinking:

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a thought spiral, convinced you’ve ruined something beyond repair, or that someone’s silence must mean they’re upset with you? These are classic examples of disordered thinking—patterns of thought that distort reality and make situations seem far worse than they really are. These patterns don’t appear out of nowhere. They’re often rooted in our past experiences, emotions, and how we’ve learned to interpret the world around us. Over time, they shape how we think, feel, and act—often without us realising it.

Disordered thinking isn’t a personal failing; it’s a mental shortcut your brain has learned. But like any habit, these patterns can be unlearned. Let’s dive into some common types of disordered thinking, where they come from, how they impact us, and—most importantly—what you can do to break free.

Many patterns of disordered thinking have their roots in childhood. For example, if you grew up in an environment where criticism was frequent and praise was rare, you might develop something called “mental filtering.” This is the habit of focusing only on negatives while ignoring positives. Why does this happen? Because as a child, your brain learned that negatives were the most important—they demanded attention. This pattern can linger, causing you to dismiss compliments and achievements while dwelling on perceived flaws.

Difficult experiences or trauma can also lay the groundwork for disordered thinking. Take “catastrophising,” for example—the tendency to expect the worst-case scenario in any situation.

If you’ve faced unexpected losses or setbacks in the past, your brain might try to “protect” you by always assuming the worst. It’s like your brain’s way of saying, “If I expect disaster, it won’t hurt as much when it comes.” The problem? This mindset keeps you in a state of constant stress, and you never pay attention to the fact the disaster very rarely ever happens you simply move onto the next one.

Society plays a major role too. Consider “should statements,” where you hold yourself or others to rigid, unrealistic standards. These often stem from societal expectations of what success, happiness, or worthiness should look like. For instance, messages like “You should always be productive” or “You should have your life sorted by 30” create pressure and guilt when your reality doesn’t match these ideals.

Some disordered thinking patterns develop as a way to avoid uncomfortable emotions. For example, “personalisation”—blaming yourself for things outside your control—can come from a desire to make sense of chaotic situations. If someone’s upset and you don’t know why, your brain might jump to “It must be my fault.” Even self-blame can feel more manageable than sitting with uncertainty.

These patterns don’t stay confined to your mind—they ripple into every part of life. In relationships, disordered thinking can lead to unnecessary conflict or distance. For instance, if you assume someone’s brief text means they’re annoyed with you, you might withdraw or act defensively—even if they’re just busy. At work, these patterns can cause procrastination, burnout, or imposter syndrome, especially if you’re trapped in all-or-nothing thinking or constantly comparing yourself to others. Over time, disordered thinking fuels anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, making it even harder to see things as they really are.

Common Disordered Thinking Patterns

Here are some of the most common patterns, where they come from, and how they show up in everyday life:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
   What It Is: Seeing things in extremes, with no middle ground.
   “If I’m not the best, I’ve failed.”
   Where It Comes From: Often linked to perfectionism or environments that overemphasise success.
   How It Shows Up: Missing one workout and deciding your entire fitness plan is ruined.

2. Mental Filtering
   What It Is: Focusing only on negatives while ignoring positives.
   “I messed up one slide in the presentation, so it was a disaster.”
   Where It Comes From: A history of criticism or low self-esteem.
   How It Shows Up: Obsessing over one critical comment while dismissing praise.

3. Catastrophising
   What It Is: Assuming the worst-case scenario.
   “If I don’t get this job, I’ll never succeed.”
   Where It Comes From: Trauma or past experiences where things went wrong unexpectedly.
   How It Shows Up: Believing a small mistake at work will get you fired.

4. Personalisation
   What It Is: Taking responsibility for things outside your control.
   “They’re in a bad mood—it must be something I said.”
   Where It Comes From: Childhood experiences where you felt responsible for others’ emotions.
   How It Shows Up: Assuming someone’s mood is your fault, even when it isn’t.

5. Should Statements
   What It Is: Imposing unrealistic rules on yourself or others.
   “I should always have it together.”
   Where It Comes From: Societal expectations or internalised standards.
   How It Shows Up: Feeling guilty for resting because you think you should be productive.

6. Mind Reading
   What It Is: Assuming you know what others are thinking, usually negatively.
   “They didn’t invite me—they must not like me.”
   Where It Comes From: Anxiety or insecurity in social situations.
   How It Shows Up: Avoiding someone because you believe they’re upset with you.

7. Labelling
   What It Is: Assigning a fixed, negative label to yourself or others.
   “I’m so stupid,” or “They’re a terrible person.”
   Where It Comes From: Oversimplifying complex situations.
   How It Shows Up: Defining yourself by a single mistake or judging others by one action.

8. Emotional Reasoning
   What It Is: Believing your feelings reflect reality.
   “I feel like a failure, so I must be one.”
   Where It Comes From: Struggling to separate emotions from facts.
   How It Shows Up: Letting anxiety convince you something bad will happen without evidence.

9. Overgeneralisation
   What It Is: Drawing sweeping conclusions from one event.
   “I failed this exam, everything is a mess !”
   Where It Comes From: Fear of failure or magnifying setbacks.
   How It Shows Up: Giving up on a goal after a small mistake.

How to Break Free from Disordered Thinking

The good news? Disordered thinking can be unlearned. It starts with awareness. When you catch yourself spiralling, ask:

• “Is this thought helpful?”

• “Is it even true?”

Challenge the assumptions behind your thoughts. For instance, if you’re catastrophising over a work mistake, remind yourself, “Everyone makes mistakes. “

Reframing is another powerful tool. Instead of thinking, “I’m a failure because I didn’t get everything done today,” try, “I did what I could today, ” It sounds simple, but with practice, this kind of self-talk can rewire your brain.

Lastly. Nobody thinks perfectly all the time—it’s human. By treating yourself with patience, the way you would treat another, you create the space to see situations clearly and step away from disordered thinking.

Disordered thinking doesn’t have to control your life. It’s just a habit, a pattern. A learned way of interpreting the world. With effort and patience, you can retrain your mind to work for you, not against you.